Thursday, December 08, 2005

Airline abbreviations

When I tried to find my flight on the Parisian schedule board yesterday, I run up against several airline abbreviations. I've looked them up:

AA (American Airlines) - Always Awful
AI (Air India) - Allah Informed
ALITALIA - Always Late In Takeoff Always Late In Arrival ,Air Line In Tokyo And Luggage In Amsterdam
BOAC (British Overseas Airways Corp.) - Better On A Camel ,Bloody Old and Careless
CA (China Airlines) - Choose Another
CAAC (Civil Aviation Authority of China ?) - Chinese Airline Always Canceled , China Airlines Almost (Always) Crashes
CPA (Canadian Airl.Intl.) - Can't Promise Anything (New code CAI) - Crash And Ignite, Call Ambulance Immediately, Circle Airport Indefinitely, Cruise Above Iceland, Cancel Alaskan Itinerary, Call Attendants "Idiots", Check All Items, Copilots Are Imbeciles, Casual Atmosphere Inside
DELTA - Don't Even Leave The Airport, Don't Ever Leave The Airport, Don't Even Let Them Aboard (referring to the arabs?), Departing Even Later Than Anticipated
EAL (Eastern) - Eastern's Always Late
ELAL - Every Landing Always Late
JAT (Yugoslav Airlines)- Joke About Time
KLM = Koop Lockheed Majesteit (Buy Lockheed, Your majesty, after the Lockheed bribe scandal which involved HRH Prince Bernhard of the Netherlands)
LOT (Polish Airlines) - Last One There, Luggage On Tarmack (wave 'bye!)
LUFTHANSA - Let Us Fuck The Horses, Are No Stewardesses Available
PA (Philippine Airways)- Please Avoid
PAL (Phil. Airlines) - Philippines Always Late
PAN AM - Plan On Arriving Nervewracked And Mad
PIA (Pakistan Intl.Airl) - Please Inform Allah, Panic In Air ,Perhaps I Arrive
QANTAS - Queer And Nasty Types As Stewards
SABENA (Belgium) - Such A Bloody Experience, Never Again, Such A Bad Experience, Never Again
SAHSA (Servicio Aero Honduras SA) - Stay At Home, Stay Alive
SAS (Scandinavian Airl. System) - Sweet And Sexy, Sex And Service
SIA (Singapore Intl.Airl.) - So Incredible, Aah
TACA - Take A Chance Airline
TAP (Portuguese Airl.) - Take Another Plane
TRANSAVIA - To Rape A New Stewardess After V1 Is Allowed.
TWA (Transworld Airl.) - Travel Without Arrival, Try Walking, Asshole , Try Walking Again, The Worst Airline, Took Wrong Airline, Try Walking Across (transatlantic perspective), Travel With Arabs, Terrorist Welcome Aboard, Terrorists With Arms, Teenie Weenie Airlines, Traveling Without Air, Tiny Wings Aflappin , Time Waste Airlines
Usair - Unfortunately, Still Alleghany In Reality