Sunday, April 02, 2006

It's the pants right?

15 years ago:
"Honey, do these pants make me look fat, what do you think?" She asked me. "No dear, those are nice jeans. No the pants are just lovely", I replied. "No....it's your ASS that makes you look fat dear, not those pants"

10 years ago:
"No the PANTS are just lovely"

today:
"hmm"

I must admit to have been somewhat rude, blunt and grumpy at times. I even admit to be a pain in the rear to live with from time to time. Hell I would agree instantly if you would say that I've behaved like a selfish arrogant SOB during my younger years. But all of that has changed. I have aged, matured and have smoothened the sharper edges.

But after several relationships and years of wisdom I still haven't found the right response to her question. She deserves my honest opinion, I won't lie to her. But even when I don't say a word she goes "what are you looking at?, What's wrong?, It's the pants right?"

Ahhh...women....

24 comments:

Granny said...

There really are times when honesty is not the best policy.

It doesn't mean lying exactly, just a careful turn of phrase (if you must say anything at all).

I'm sitting here laughing.

Lesley said...

I never ask and things seem to work better that way. Pretty much I would know if I look fat or not, why ask someone. Besides my idea of fat might not be another persons idea of fat so as long as I think I look OK what the hell do I care what they think.

Lindsay Lobe said...

DA

Having a family of 5 womem (wife + 3 dauugters + female dog )the answer to that question is dead easy !!

Just ask the question: What do you think ? and then agree.
Does not want to answer!!. Than neither do you !!

Or you could always go and practice your golf while she decided the best possible outfits to wear.

On holidays I used to have a round and return home in time to take the family down to the beach or out for the day (they had just finished getting ready)!!


Best wishes

Zee said...

I like leather pants - every size ass looks fine in them.
As for honesty ... if you ask stupid questions where you already know the answer - you can only expect rough comments back.
Why not say: "Honey, my fat bum doesn't quite fit into my jeans anymore. Do you still love me despite this obstacle?"
Then I of course would answer with a resounding YES! But blaming it on the pants, nahhh....

Kathleen Callon said...

If you were amiss in your answers, it's because they were amiss in asking...

Hope you are well.

Tina said...

I'm not trying to blog-whore your post Dimitri, but since there are many things that could be said about this post... I will instead direct you to a very short story I had written for Crackpot Press in November. It is a true story & it is written to address the very issue of all women hating their bodies and images, especially curvy girls: www.crackpotpress.com/html/diva.html

madcapmum said...

"I don't have your eye for these sorts of things. I love you. You're beautiful."

or...

"I'll have to check manually." ;-)

Blogger formerly known as JBlue said...

Hmpf! MEN! Today, I was trying to buy some new sandals. I spent forever finding just the right pair. I thought they looked good, felt good.... Then Mr. Pink comes along. "Those are ugly," he says. Sigh. Didn't get those shoes, but now I have to spend more time finding another pair.

Mr. Pink is not aging as well as DA?

Progressive Traditionalist said...

An excerpt from a lengthy comment I left elsewhere (and made such a fool of myself I would be ashamed to direct you there):

"...honesty is necessary. As much as we misrepresent ourselves, we nullify any opportunity we have for closeness. Even the liar loves to tell the truth, but only when it falls in his favor. It is those times when the truth is a difficult to tell that determines whether a man can be honest or not.
"As for me, honesty seems to have always been easy. Tact, on the other hand, speaks an unintelligible language, of which I have been able to acquire a vocabulary of painfully few words.
"And so, just to point you in the right direction, honesty is necessary for love to flourish, and tact is necessary to temper honesty."

To which end (no pun intended, but accepted nevertheless) I must say that I like Madcap Mum's suggested response. Think I will use that one myself! ;)

Badoozie said...

oh, i think a little white lie is acceptable here. don't tell your wife or whoever she is her butt looks big. bad, bad mistake.

i never ask that, instead i direct the victim to look at someone elses butt, and ask the victim, "is my butt that big"?

Dem Soldier said...

Lol....I think U should rather not reply....

DOES IT MAKE ME LOOK FAT?

You're on your own.....U will never win..

Dem Soldier said...

....if she ask...Do I look fat on this? What ever it's.....

Also don't answer it. There is no answer to this question that won't be interpreted 'yes, your fat'.

Worried said...

I never asked such questions; my husband (#3) volunteered remarks. Once when I wore a pair of orange pants with multicolored long blouse, he snickered and said, "Marie, when you bend over you look just like a school bus coming down the road!"

Um hum. Guess who did not get snuggled that night.

It came to my attention that other men seemed to have a completely different opinion of me - orange pants or any other color.

Worried said...

The Wild Child is concerned about her weight and does ask questions like that. Her husband has a great solution. He lunges forward, seizes her waist and bites her cheek, and not the one on her face either, and makes like froggie-went-a-courting. At which, ofcourse, she protests, "No! I just did my hair!" and flees. That way, he weasles out of answering, yet makes her feel desirable. So all is well.
Madcap Mum has a good answer.

Kathleen Callon said...

Madcap mum,

Good suggestions...

Nerdine said...

I'm with Madcap on this one. dodge the question by being a bit raunchy.. *lol*

Blog Monkey said...

hmmmm... touchy subject there.

i'd reply: 'i hate it when you wear pants, hiding that sweet ass. so don't be asking me."

ta-da! that's gets me a big slice of pie and a sloppy hummer every time. gotta let the lady know you love her curves, and that's part of the reason you still hangin' out.

Angela said...

Never ask a question that you don't really want the answer to...

Gary said...

I would say something like:

"When books swim with geese in the oven of change, all clouds turn green with emotion."

Or maybe just: "Hmmmm"

You're a provocative blogger bro!

DA said...

This seems to be a reckognizable topic. Tina: "does he think my ass is the size of a Cleveland suburb?" That was a good piece of writing :-)!! Thx for the link..

And thank you all for your advises: (white)lie, go play golf, just be blunt, go the manual way, don't answer, be honest with tact, seize her waist and bite her cheek (she liked that one:-),let the lady know you love her curves or just say "When books swim with geese in the oven of change, all clouds turn green with emotion" ehh...

See you back soon my dear blogfamily!!

Carries Stepbrother said...

My stepsister allways calls me her little horney fat stepbrother. I don't mind as long as I get the goodies..

Lenren said...

I really like this as I am always asking my husband those sort of questions.Part of me already knows but I have to ask. The only response I absolutely hate is "It's fine" Oh that is the worst! Just fine! Tell me I am so hot and sexy, even if those are my big butt jeans.

Lorraine said...

Dimitri,
A simple, I love everything about you...is just perfect.
Great post!

enigma4ever said...

Great post...and ouch question....always..
(1) Hmmm. - always safe...solid
(2) smile and kiss her...HARD...like IT reallly doesn't matter about the pants...
(3) "you still look 20 to me"
and some of the other womenfolk here also really gave great answers....
and the best part is that you still care and have not entered the "it doesn't matter "phase of life...