Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Perfect relationship?

And we haven't been away even for that long but it takes a few days to kick start those batteries again. I will post some Nepal and everest pictures later on but first this: while in Nepal I read about the Polish man who awoke after 20 years of coma. Huh?

It is the stuff of fairytales and happy endings, the story of a Polish railway worker who woke up to a new world of plenty after falling into a "coma" 19 years ago when Poland was still communist. Grzebski was transferred from one hospital to another to undergo treatment until finally his wife opted to bring him home and care for him herself. There may not have been a miracle in Grzebski's revival, but the story of his wife's dedication has struck a chord with diehard romantics. Grzebski is now making the acquaintance of 11 grandchildren. lol..

Grzebski told he has been aware that the days of communism, rationing and interminable queues to get the little that was available in the shops, had long ended in Poland.

But he has still not got over a recent trip to the local supermarket.
"There are no queues. You take what you want and as much of it as you want. You don't need ration tickets like during the communist era," he marvelled.

If it were the Netherlands the poor man would all of a sudden wake up to a country in decay, satellite dishes, burqas, multicultural violence, exploded crime figures and huge taxes to maintain a government that even Kafka didn't foresee. Anyway..

So is this the perfect example of matrimonial loyalty? What does it take to make a marriage work?

I say that within a good relationship you should never let each other down when one or the other has got his or her week moment. You should be faithfull, supportive, loving, respectful and caring. bla bla bla and so on

Now what's your number one ingredient for the perfect marriage or relationship cake?

Wikicopy on marriage:

A marriage is an
interpersonal relationship with governmental, social, or religious recognition, usually intimate and sexual, and often created as a contract. The most frequently occurring form of marriage unites a man and a woman as husband and wife.[1][2][citation needed] Other forms of marriage also exist; for example, polygamy, in which a person takes more than one spouse, is common in many societies.[3] Beginning in 2001, the legal concept of marriage has been expanded to include same-sex marriage in some jurisdictions.[4]The reasons people marry vary widely, but usually include one or more of the following: legal, social and economic stability; the formation of a family unit; procreation and the education and nurturing of children; legitimizing sexual relations; public declaration of love.[5][6]A marriage is often declared by a wedding ceremony,[7] which may be performed by a religious officiator, through a similar government-sanctioned secular officiator, or (in weddings that have no church or state affiliation) by a trusted friend of the wedding participants. The act of marriage usually creates obligations between the individuals involved, and in many societies, their extended families.[citation needed]


Anonymous said...

I say being grateful for what you have is key for us (20 y married)

Mary said...

Honest to goodness caring for each other. I like your ingredient though. Sounds perfect.

Nvisiblewmn said...


enigma4ever said...

The secret ingredient is that you are taking the time to think about it..and explore it....that you care enough to search...that is the secret....

Congrats on your union...may it be strong and everlasting....

lindsaylobe said...

Welcome back. I like to turn to nature itself and to marvel at its constant adaptation. I think marriage is like a plant that needs its daily food and energy for it to grow. It needs different nutrients, at times of drought it adapts to conserve energy and during the times of plenty it maximises its potential. I don’t think I need to tell you theses things since I think you already know them, for the search for golden elixirs is a futile one! The single most important aspect I think is to be flexible, not to be stubborn or selfish but to adapt to changed tastes and circumstances that will inevitably occur over time during both good and bad times. This requires an ongoing maturity and respect for one anothers opinions and feelings. The only silly question is the one not asked.

Hopefully then between my wife and I after 38 years of marriage all that is needed at times is a nod or glance to be understood, maybe signifying its time to leave a party.

Best wishes

Ingrid said...

loyalty for me. As Lindsay said, it is really many a thing during different times but I'm a loyal person so I guess the return of that is important to me. Loyalty with friends and close ones.

pissed off patricia said...

Sense of humor is number one. Respect is number two. Listening is number three. Understanding is number four. And number five is allowing one another to have their own space and time when needed.

It's worked for us for 20 years and we're still happy and laughing.

Anonymous said...

Hello, Dimitri.
Thinking about this, I would have to say that communication is the No. 1 thing in relationships.
But even so, that assumes reasonableness (and yes, I've been reading John Rawls), and that both parties are able to negotiate and interact in good faith.

And so, I am torn. Perhaps it is indeed "Respect" as the Invisible Woman says. But doesn't "Reasonableness" presuppose respect?
Is it not entirely reasonable that it is in one's own interest to interact in a respectful manner?

Anonymous said...

Hello again, Dimitri.
As the saying goes,
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Definitely, the capacity for language facilitates the development of relationships.
It can also be said that some basis for civilization would be of utmost importance.
But I believe it is a degree of sentience, the capacity to recognize one thing as being separate from another, that is the most basic root of all relationships.

And while that may sound overly simplistic, the implications are deep; that even in our most intimate moments we are a collection of separations.
But without that degree of separation, there could be no relationship.

Shanosha said...

The number one ingredient for the perfect marriage: Loneliness

Two people that had been lonely, come together, each vowing that the other will never be lonely again.

Sappy garbage, I know, but that's my main reason for ever wanting to get married and put myself through all the dumb little arguments, and risking being cheated on and coming out of the marriage looking like a fool.

I'm only 20 and probably won't find someone to marry me for years, unless I lower my standards a lot. The bitter sounding sentences the preceded this one are really just grim predictions of what might happen.

But I'm hoping marriage comes for me... that my marriage won't end in divorce or me being betrayed... and that it lasts beautifully, all my life.

And I want 8 kids, lol.

Tina said...

Well let's see... we've been married nearly 8 yrs and we have 2 kids under the age of 5, and we're still in love with each other... so, I think respect in all ways is the magic ingredient.
Respect for each other.
Respect for the vows you've taken and promises you've made.
Respect for the family you have created together.
And respect for each other's individuality.

Arti Honrao said...


I am here after a long time ...
I would say that understanding and caring is the ingredient at least I would want in my marriage!


Gary said...

Respect, pleasure in each other's company, physical affection and some independence. Good sex (for both of course:) doesn't hurt.

Perhaps if one person keeps a blog?