Saturday, May 20, 2006

" I'm a fu$%^ng panda. Go look it up "

A giant panda goes into one of those expensive and pretentious restaurants serving French/Asian fusion cuisine and takes a table for one. The surprised waiter for that table explains unctuously that his name is Marcel, he will be your server tonight, and we 'ave a number of specials (he is French), etc., etc.

The panda listens impassively to the list of $27 chili-pepper encrusted swordfish specials and so on, and then orders a delicately flavored dish of young bamboo tips and mixed greenery served with steamed jasmine rice. On finishing his meal, the panda gets up, reaches into his fur for a handgun, brings down the waiter with one shot, and calmly heads for the door.

The head waiter is near the door and exclaims in shock, "Oh, monsieur, what 'ave you done? You 'ave killed Marcel! Why 'ave you done zis, monsieur? You 'ad some problem? Ze service was not acceptable?" The panda scowls at him and says, "I'm a fucking panda. Go look it up." He stalks out into the night.

The baffled staff huddle round the compact encyclopedic dictionary that they keep on the premises, and turning to Panda, giant, they read this:

Panda, giant. Large bear-like animal, Ailuropoda melanoleuca, with distinctive black and white markings, related to raccoon family. Rare; found only in bamboo forests of Tibet and western China. Eats shoots and leaves.

12 comments:

Fouad said...

hahahaahaha :)

Granny said...

It's as funny the second time around.

Did you know there is a book by that name? It's about grammar I think; especially the use of the comma.

Sothis said...

That book was a bestseller in the U.K for over a year (did well in the States, too). It's called Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation by Lynne Truss. She is a sort of Conan the Grammarian--very funny (especially if go nuts when people slaughter the English language--if one more person on CNN or the BCC uses decimate when they mean annihilate, I will have an aneurysm).

Lisa said...

Lovely, DA, just lovely. :)

Lindsay Lobe said...

As your previous commentators noted I think that came from the humoursess book on the use of grammar entitled Eats, Shoots and Leaves.

Maybe however if your ever recounting that story to an audience, its not a bad idea to mention that up front which will make the punch line more prominent at the end. Then again I guess your not about to give up your day job to become a comedian.

Best wishes

abhay k said...

Wow! Its hilarious...lol
The poor French Marcel...and their encyclopedia...hahaha

Vee said...

I love the book 'Eats, Shoots and Leaves'. I was gratified to see a book on grammar! :) But hilarious story, that brought about the title.

Lesley said...

Thanks! That one brought a laugh.

Callooh said...

oh! (note punctuation) If only we all 'ad such a 'andy excuze to do away wit' tose 'o so veery pretentous waiters. . .

Irregardlessly, a very funny post.

I'm a poet, and 'ave been known to take great leeway wit' punctuation, grammar, and word use ;-)

Nerdine said...

*lol*
great story!
thanks - needed a laugh this evening!

Blogger formerly known as JBlue said...

RE: the book. It's surprisingly readable and funny. I use it to make punctuation entertaining for my students.

Shaneena said...

LOL

THAT is just hilarious!

Eats shoots and leaves...! c",)